Life is so precious and not enough people realise it. ‘Live every day as if it’s your last’ has been stuck in my head for years and years and recent events have permanently tattooed it right infront of my eyes. My Uncle died at 17 from coming off a moped, my Grandma died of cancer and someone very close to me has been inches away from taking their own life when I was there. I won’t name them as it wouldn’t be fair for their privacy, we’ll call them ‘X’.

I was only 7 years old when my Uncle died and obviously it came completely out of the blue. It was my first real experience of losing someone close to me and I just remember everyone crying all the time. I saw how it affected the whole family and I thought to myself ‘why did this happen to us?’. My Uncle’s life was cut short when he had so much ahead of him, moving out, marriage, children, working, places to go etc. I still wonder now how different life could have been if he was still with us. 

My Grandma was diagnosed with terminal cancer when she was 53 but because my sisters and I were still in school, she chose not to tell us. My Mum wanted to spend as much time with her as she could so she would pick us up from school and we’d go round to see my Grandma almost every day. At first we just thought she was ill but after a while me and Ariadne (my older sister) guessed that it might be cancer. We never once thought she would die because of it though. I still remember the day we found out she had passed away and it hurts me so much to think about it. I loved my Grandma so, so much and I’d do anything just to have 1 minute with her again. What hurts me the most is what happened the last time I saw her. We were leaving and my Mum said to us ‘go give Grandma a hug and tell her you love her’, so I went and hugged her but I didn’t tell her I love her. I don’t believe in regrets but that is my one and only regret of my life. People will say ‘but she would have known you love her’, but when someone says it to you it makes it feel more real. 

Now person ‘x’… well I’d rather not talk about what happened, but I will share to some degree how it made me feel. It was a very personal experience for both of us and it would be unfair on them to share the details. It kills me that I didn’t even notice how they were feeling because I was too focused on other things that were going on, when really we should talk to the people around us and help each other through times of crisis because all that really matters in life is having the people that we love around us and making the most of the time we have with them. We never know what life has waiting around the corner for us. What happened haunts me every single day of my life and I try to block it out. The fact that I was that close to losing them and I hadn’t even noticed right up until the point where it mattered the most… All the thoughts in my head asking what would have happened if I hadn’t stopped them? I’m terrified of losing anyone I love now I and I try so hard to hold on to them. 

Death is a part of life, no one can escape it. I guess all I’m trying to say is don’t think ‘that will never happen to us’ because life throws all sorts of surprises at us and every minute is precious. If you’ve not spoken to your brother or sister or grandad or anyone you love in a while, pick the phone up. Give them a call to tell them how much you love them. Or a friend you haven’t seen in years. Anyone who has made an impact on your life. Just do it.

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Hello wordpress!

February 24, 2012

Firstly I’d just like to state that I not very good at writing at all!

Both my sisters and my uncle use this website so I thought I’d give it a bash and I’m hoping it might help improve my “skills”. I’ve never really been into writing much but every now and again I feel the need to have a rant about something, so maybe this could be a useful way of doing it. Not really sure what else to write as this is just a hello, but no doubt I’ll think of something soon and post properly!